How on earth can you read a newspaper in here, I wish I’d asked for an aisle seat at least then at least I’d be able to get out of my seat to turn the pages over.
“Good morning everyone I’d like to take this opportunity of welcoming you all aboard this Usave and Spend flight to Alicante and to introduce myself Piers Cabanorus, captain and my flight officer [long pause] Rebecca Johnson who will being flying the plane today and updating you flight information once we are underway [pause] on today’s flight your comfort and safety will be in the capable hands of senior purser [pause] Gustav Selluawatchski and his flight attendants who will soon be advising you on the safety aspects of this aircraft and I ask you to pay attention to this important procedure, sit back, relax and enjoy your flight”
I once remember years ago taking the safety instructions card out and reading it, only to notice that everyone was staring at me. Since then I’ve learned how to stare at newspaper instead like everyone else.
But why oh why do they go through this ridiculous twoddle
Bracing position, with seats this close you’re lucky if you can nod your head.
Oxygen, breath until you crash, they should be opium masks.
Life Jacket, so let’s get this straight, as we plunge from 40,000ft, with our oxygen masks on, we have to reach under the seat, take a deep breath and remove our oxygen masks and carefully place the life jacket over our heads and pass the cord twice round and tie it in a double bow at the front. How am I supposed to that when I can’t even get my hand in my pocket! And should I undo my seat belt?
So having coming to a perfectly intact landing on a calm sea I have to take a six year old by the hand and stroll out onto the wing, slip gently into the water, blowing on my whistle to attract the attention of passing Jumbo jet!
Submitted by: Isit 29/07/07
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